Assertion is the hazy line between passivity and aggression. With
societal preferences in constant flux, so is the amount of confidence
and authority that is acceptable for women to display. Many women
believe that it is inappropriate to display any anger at all. They are
kept subdued by deep-rooted guilt and irrational beliefs, often taking
responsibility for how others feel or react.
Deciding when to be assertive can be a troublesome issue, and many
choose to avoid the decision altogether. Their interpersonal
achievements are gained through forms of manipulation. They communicate
their preferences by sending covert, ambiguous, or unclear messages.
Such indirect communication protects them from making mistakes and
accepting blame. Even when used with the best intentions, passivity
itself can backfire. Avoiding conflict can cause feelings of anger and
frustration to build up, eventually resulting in outbursts and cycles of
anxiety and low self-esteem.
The answer to such self-defeating behavior can be found in this handy
primer on assertion. Exercises, questionnaires, tips, and role-playing
activities help conquer ineffective communication skills. Once provided
with the resources to become confident, capable, and able to express
themselves, women can easily manage difficult relationships with bosses,
coworkers, family, and friends.
About the Authors
Lynn Z. Bloom is Board of Trustees Distinguished Professor and Aetna
Chair of Writing at the University of Connecticut. She resides in
Storrs, Connecticut.
Karen Coburn is the senior consultant in residence and longtime
assistant vice chancellor at Washington University in St. Louis.
Joan Pearlman is a licensed psychologist and cofounder of the St. Louis
Women’s Counseling Center. |
